My beloved owls have lost their babes this year...

Mamma the last time I saw her on the nest....

Many who know me know the Owl is my spirit animal.  There is a a pair of great horned owls who found me about a decade ago when a large area of undeveloped wooded lakeshore land near my home became a regional park.  My Duncan and I would walk those woods every day.  One day the owls appeared and shazaam, we have been connected every since.  It is like they are a part of the fabric that is me.  I've watched Mamma in the nest, enjoyed countless Owlettes, worried over them, prayed for them, and wondered at our amazing connection.

They give me so much.  When I'm anxious, stressed, and  think I'm not going to survive, they show up somewhere near me, talk to me, I believe they let me know that I will be OK.  I really do.  I can be so sad but when I hear them chattering to me, I know things will get better; and I FEEL better, almost immediately.

About a month ago, I was excitedly anticipating that the eggs that Mamma Owl had been incubating since mid-January would soon hatch; that I would see the first sign of the beautiful literary tle fuzzy heads sometime in March.  I had visited Mamma on a Monday and noticed that she was sitting funny on the nest;  I wondered if one of the babes had already hatched. I planned on trekking through the woods every other day or so to check in....this is always an exciting time, but with our crazy weather this year, it snowed …again.  A lot of inches, so I didn’t return until Friday afternoon, in the time of twilight when the owls hunt.  My favorite time to be in the woods with them, it's that pretty light that I love.

When I arrived at the nest, the owls were nowhere in sight.  I know that Mamma NEVER leaves the nest.  Never.  The supernatural connection between the owls and me is strong and?  Intuitively I knew that they had deserted the nest. But I waited around anyway, trudging through the deep snow, through the trees, searching for them.  But in my heart?  I knew that the extreme cold, 30 below for days at time, had taken the babies.  The woods had an empty feeling, and my heart knew the eggs weren’t ever going to hatch.  

I cried, sobbed really.   Tears streamed down my face; I couldn’t come to terms with this knowledge and so I stayed for some time.  I kept the vigil, came back later that night, at least hoping to hear the pair; but nothing.  I returned the next morning, but again, the woods were empty of my beloved owls.

I mourned the loss of the owlets, but mostly?  My heart broke for beautiful Mamma, who had stayed in that nest box, protecting the eggs keeping them warm for more than a month.  A month.  Can you just imagine being cramped up like that, for over 30 days?

The owls frequent the trees near my home, and after their departure from the nest I kept a constant lookout for them, I was always listening for their wonderful voices.  Then, late one night, not too long after, they came to us.  It was late, and my daughter Kacie opened the deck door and yelled “Mom, come out!  The Owls are here.”  

I leapt out of bed, threw on my robe, down jacket, big boots and went out onto the deck.  Sure enough, Mamma and Pappa were close; I heard them and I of course loudly began talking to them like always,  “Mamma, you are here!”  I was soooo relieved to feel and hear her.  

A few seconds after, Mamma began her story.  She was letting me know that they were OK, and?  I truly believe she recounting the story of what had happened.  I could FEEL their grief, and the happiness I felt at knowing they were all right?  Was quickly replaced by a feeling of great loss and sadness.  While Mamma was chatting, Pappa would interject occasionally with his wonderful low voice, but this was Mamma’s time.  After about 10 minutes or so, she quieted.  The tragedy had been shared with their human, and their biggest fan.  Once again tears came as I thought about the rapid hoots of Mamma’s beautiful voice, spilling out her story to Kacie and me.

Difficult to take, I haven't told many people of this.  It's personal and emotional, and quite heart wrenching.  They have been near, and I do so hope to lay eyes on them in the light of day soon, my beloved owls.

--Stephie Jean

Mamma looks defeated in this pic that I snapped the last time I saw her on the nest.